'Al you' Champ, I really do

I now have 4 more days until I can POAS. I am dying to do it sooner of course, but I will probably only be wasting it. I am usually pretty good about waiting until either the day AF is due, or one day prior, but this time I might end up wasting a couple of sticks because I am so over analysing everything.

I have been nauseous for a while, yesterday I even had a little spit up while at playgroup (the really gross kind that sneaks up on you and you swallow before you realise what has happened). I woke up this morning with really aching hips which has been a prominent feature of pregnancies to date. However that could be due to me refusing to lie on my stomach, I have been lying on my sides each night which suppose is extra pressure for my hips. Anyway, I am so over analysing all of this - I am either pregnant and will find out in 4 (or 3!) days, or I am not. Thinking about it will not change it.

I wish I could convince myself of that.

Champ is really challenging me at the moment. I haven't really even had care of him very much this week (he is still in 3 days childcare until next week, and I had a funeral to attend on Tuesday so my FIL babysat all afternoon). Still, I just can't seem to find the excessive patience he requires right now.

I think I have to learn to pick my battles. I say 'no' to things that I really could say 'yes' to, and then regret it as it would have been easier to just do it in the first place.

For example, Champ saw me peel and wash some vegetables in the sink last week. Now, whenever he sees some of his plastic food, he uses his plastic utensil to 'peel' it and then runs to the sink crying out 'wash, wash'. I say 'one time' and he echoes me, holding out one finger like he understands. I turn on the tap and he spends all of 1 second wetting the carrot before shoving it into his mouth and running off happy.

For 30 seconds.

When the carrot water has been licked clean he again runs to the sink yelling 'wash, wash'. In hindsight I should just repeat the ritual until he is bored. I know he doesn't understand 'one time' anyway so it's not like I would be renegging. However, Mummy is tired of lifting her 12+ kg boy up to the sink, and says 'no more'. Cue water works. Then I have to lift him anyway and distract him with some other game that will take his mind off it (which usually involves me dancing him around the room or otherwise entertaining him anyway).

I think I should just accept that my job description includes 'full time entertainer' in addition to the many other tasks required to keep an 18 month old happy.

My Mum tells me that she thinks it is harder when you have had the break from your kids as I have had this fortnight. Mum should know, she had 4 of us and stayed at home full time for 20 years. She says that you have experienced the freedom and then comeback to reality still expecting everything to be nice and orderly. I guess it is like the way coming back to work after a holiday is so hard.

Still, there are some perks. Today when Champ woke up (after a 12 hour sleep - wohoo! He has been averaging 10.5 / 11 hours lately) he wanted to dance with me 'man, man' he cried pointing to Cowby's ipod. So I turned on his latest favourite song 'monkey man' and picked him up to spin around the lounge a few times.

Then he put his hand to my face and said 'al you'. I replied 'al you?'; 'al you' he responded again with his little hand on my cheek; 'I love you?' I asked; 'yeah' he nodded.

Mummy loves you too baby, she really, really does.