The last couple of mornings I have woken to small, small, small amounts of blood as I wipe after using the bathroom. I have actually been remarkably calm about it; mostly because I realise that at this early stage nothing can be done if the worst has started. I will not rush to the emergency department, I will not expect an ultrasound, I will not expect the doctors to do anything other than confide that they can't see into the future any clearer than I can.
So, I have just picked up and gotten on with life. What else can I do?
But then when Champ is asleep or I have a moment to myself, I do allow my mind to wander.
I already love Muscles. Don't let this happen.
Champ would benefit so much from a sibling. He already asks after the baby. I want a playmate for Champ close to his age. This close. This exact time. 2 years 4 months. Perfect.
What if something is wrong with me since I delivered Champ? What if I can never again carry a baby through to a healthy, safe delivery?
I can't remember what it felt like to feel Champ move inside me. Oh my God, what if I can never carry a baby through to that stage and I can't remember what it felt like to feel a baby move inside of me? I loved the feeling. What if I never get to feel it again? Please let me feel it again.
Protected: 10 months
4 years ago
I'll be praying that this spotting is harmless. I don't think an ultrasound to calm your mind is too much to ask though!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the spotting is scary. Obviously none of us can predict! But someone in my TTC forum was just saying that she had spotting during her entire pregnancy, and has a healthy baby now. I pray that it's nothing for you, either!
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