Blood

What do you really not want to see on the toilet paper after you wipe when you are pregnant? (Amongst other things) Blood. But that it what I saw this morning.

I am worried, but I am not beside myself, for two reasons. One is that it was just a little bit (like less than a teaspoon), the other is that I had two cases of spotting while I was pregnant with Champ.

The first spotting with him occurred the day I got my positive pregnancy test (4 weeks) and the second event happened at 8 weeks. This is a little more unusual given that it is at 5.5 weeks (rather than when my period would have been due). Still, I am taking some comfort in the fact that I spotted with him and now I have a perfect, healthy child.

Still...

Please, God. Please God. Please, God.

5 weeks down

Ok, so I know I am really early along in the pregnancy, but I thought I'd try to track my symptoms along the way, mostly because I wish I'd done so with Champ so that now I could compare how I feel this time round. My memory isn't serving me so well in relation to last pregnancy, but maybe that is how it is supposed to be so that you go back again.

I didn't make a great pregnant person last pregnancy. As soon as I found out out I was pregnant, I started eating whatever I wanted (excluding the obvious medical no-nos) and was so worried about my unborn baby that I didn't want to do any form of exercise (including walking, lol!).

In fact worry was a big part of my last pregnancy. I worried a lot and just couldn't wait for Champ to be born so that I knew he'd be safe. Now, being a Mum, I realise that you can never guarantee their safety even when you can see/feel/prod them. Worry, to a certain extent is just part of the job description of being a Mum, so there is no need to overdo it.

Now with an energetic 11 kg toddler who loves Mummy's arms best of all and lots of outdoor play, I will have to be safe, but active during this pregnancy.

So, I'll try to blog weekly on how I am feeling throughout this pregnancy (it may stop me going back so quickly for #3!).

Negatives:

• So tired! I tend to go to sleep not long after Champ (8.00).
• My hip pain has started so early this time, I just can not lay for long periods of time on my sides and even sitting is a bit painful. If I remember correctly, it will only get worse though!

Positives:

• I am really enjoying knowing that I'm having a baby. Last time I kept on thinking I'm pregnant. Now with the fruits of my pregnancy right before my eyes, I am constantly reminded what this whole shebang is all about.
• I am making the most of not having morning sickness yet. From memory, last time I got sick at around week 6 and it built up over a couple of weeks and then stopped at week 12 (text book, I know).
• I have found myself thinking of the baby developing inside me and then marvelling at Champ. I made him!

By the way, my due date: 28 December. Could have planned it a bit better, eh?

Surprise!

So I did a pregnancy test yesterday morning when my period still hadn't shown up (I was due that day, but I was a bit keen to know!).

I spent the 3 minutes for it to develop trying to stop Champ from touching the toilet bowl, then washing both our hands and getting his breakfast ready. I went back to look after 3 minutes, and could tell at a glance that it was negative. I scooped Champ up from tugging at my leg and sat him in the high chair. As he was eating, I went back to the test.

Hang on. Is that a second line? Am I seeing things?

I could make out a very faint second line. I ran to the window, holding the test at many different angles trying to verify the second line. It was there. I was pregnant.

'He was supposed to pull out!!!!!!!' My mind was screaming.

Champ had finished breakfast and I cleaned him up and got him out of the chair. He sat in our backroom playing hide and seek in the curtains.

My mind was racing. 'This is not happening. This doesn't happen after one encounter!'

Champ was sitting in the morning sunlight which streamed in through the sheer curtains on the windows. Peek-a-boo. He ran through the curtain towards me. So happy, so content.

Ok, maybe another one of you will be just perfect.

The case of the multiple Mummy

Champ kept me up most of the night last night. He has never been great sleeper, but this is ridiculous. Hoping it is just a new tooth or because of his snuffly nose at the moment and not some new behaviour.

Anyway, while I was pacing the floors with him and administering cuddles while my little boy clinged to me lest I dare deposit him back into the cot, I started thinking.

There is a slight chance that I might be pregnant. How can a Mummy possibly be in two places at once throughout the night? I have visions of night feeding a newborn and having Champ screaming out for Mummy in the next room. Now I am afraid. Am I ever going to get a good night sleep?

Last glimpse of summer

We were lucky over the Easter break, we got one last burst of summer before the cooler weather sets in. We stayed home for Easter and just did the visiting the family things, and then went on a 3 day farm/beach holiday after that.

We had an Easter egg hunt for Champ on Sunday morning, however, since he had not tasted chocolate before, he preferred to hunt for fallen mandarins under our tree than the shiny little things that Mum was pointing too. We gave him a taste of chocolate, but breathed a sign of relief when he just wanted his mandarins. He will keep his innocence for at least the time being then.

The three of us then took off Monday morning for a holiday with my Mum, 2 sisters and brother. It was a lovely holiday at a farm which was 30 minutes from the beach. We all had a great break, although I am sure my siblings (aged 15 to 25) have gone back home to rest and recover after all the energy and patience they expended on Champ over the three days!

Champ loved the horses on the farm and was up at the crack of dawn each day calling out 'neigh, neigh' to them. He couldn't understand why the rest of the house slept past 6.30, he kept asking 'where'd they go?' and calling out to my 19 year old, night owl, sister long before she was ready to surface. My 15 year old brother wore him out though, so that at least in the evenings he slept quite well.

We had a great time at Lorne beach on Tuesday. It was a sensational day weather wise. Champ loved the sand, but wasn't too fond of the waves in the water though. He was ok while the water was calm, but wanted to be held whenever a wave came our way.

So now we are back home to reality. I don't know how Cowboy and I alone are going to keep Champ entertained after 3 days of constant attention from Grandma, his Aunties and Uncle.

Feelin' it?

Despite having been pregnant previously, I would still call myself pretty new to this TTC thing. I mean, I have only ever done it the once (much to Cowboy's disappointment, I'm sure!).

So, to those with more experience, I have a question to put to you. Last time, I 'felt' pregnant pretty much straight away. And I was. This time, I 'feel' pregnant too.

My question is this: Do you 'feel' pregnant every try, or can I put some trust in this feeling?

Wow!

Well, Cowboy just made the next fortnight a little more exciting for me.

After spending Saturday at a children's party (with lots of little girls in pretty dresses), and many comments from me about how adorable the children were and heavy emphasis on Cowboy's name when I made these comments (as in 'Look at that little darling in the pink dress, isn't she adorable, Cowboy?!'). Cowboy somehow got the idea that I'd like to give Champ a sibling.

Cue Saturday night. Scene: Red & Cowboy's bedroom; lights dimmed; ruffling and murmuring can be overheard.

Red: What was that?

Cowboy: Ummm, that was it.

Red: You are joking right? You didn't pull out.

Cowboy: I thought that was what you wanted.

Red: (Shock) Did I?

Cowboy: You'd been talking about it for the last few days, so I thought that was what you wanted... Red? ... Red? Are you ok? I thought you'd be happy.

Red: (Quietly) Ummm, yeah. Just shocked.

Cowboy: I mean, I'm sure it won't happen after just one time.

Red: (Very quietly) Yeah, I'm sure... Although Champ did...

Cowboy: Well, he was just meant to be. (Rolls over) 'Night, Red.

Red: (Whispers) 'Night.

Scene from yesterday evening

Red: So, Cowboy. (Swings her glass of red wine around with casual abandonment) I am not really 'in the mood' and it's not quite my fertile time yet, but if we went to bed right now, there would be a little, tiny risk (read :chance) of hearing another pitter, patter in 9 months. Wouldn't it be fun and exciting to just see what happens?

Cowboy raises eyes from TV for a brief moment.

Cowboy: When would it be due?

Red: About New Years Eve. (Hopeful.)

Cowboy: Too close to Christmas. (Clearly a man of many words.)

Red: Next month?

Cowboy: (Suddenly interested now that his wife seems so keen.) Hhmmm. January, still a bit close to Champ's birthday.

Red: (Pours another glass of wine) The next month would mean February. You love February.

Cowboy: But that's my birthday month.

Thinking music.

Cowboy: March is your sister... April is my Dad... maybe May? Do we have anyone's birthday in May, or June? July is your Mum. So, May, June or even August, I rekon.

End of scene.

______________________________________________

So, folks. Looks like we are collecting family birthday months like baseball cards, so the next few months appear to be out of the question. In order to 'collect' a May birthday we would need to hold off for this cycle plus 4 more. How can I get my mind off babies until August?

Can someone pour me a glass of wine? Stat.



Update: Then today, I get this email from him:

Red,

The name Violet is kind of growing on me if we have a girl next.

Cowboy

Maybe he could be convinced to try for a January after all...