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12 June 2009

In control

Two pregnancies have resulted from our two 'tries' (albeit with only one baby actually being born). It is an interesting position to be in.

Today is CD15; and right on my military-style cycle schedule, I am ovulating.

I know that nothing in this life is certain, but I can hypothesise based on those odds that, should Cowboy and I 'try' again in any given month, another pregnancy will be the result (although I have no clue as to the odds of this one resulting in another actual baby being born).

There is no halfway in our thinking. I can not really rely on the 'not trying, not preventing' method; when we do that, two lines seem to appear on my pee stick.

I either try, or I do not. There is no maybe.

This month I will not try.

I am curious as to when I will be ready to try again. I just can't seem to put my hopes and dreams 'out there' again. It hurts too much. It is easier to be in control and know that I will not have a baby 9 months from now, and that it will have been my decision.

1 comment:

  1. So you are the Yoda of baby making. (do or do not. there is no try). I understand your hesitation. I've never suffered a pregnancy loss, but I've had many, many negatives. This is our first month of really trying for #2 (with IUI), and I dread the maybe/maybe not thing.

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