Never offer, never refuse

The most liberating and simultaneously terrifying thing just happened.

After Champ's bath, I gave him a short massage, dressed him for bed, sat on our corner pillow with him on my lap and read him a few pages from his evening book (Dr Suess - Sleep Book), I then put my 15 month old son to bed, said his prayers and left the room. He did not ask for a breastfeed.

About a week ago, Champ started getting really... annoying (for want of a better word). He would stick his finger up my nose, claw my arm and then bite ever so slightly, so that I could feel it and would yank my breast out of his mouth. He would BAWL! I'd comfort him and calm him down with songs and rocking, then try to feed him again. Repeat above steps until Mummy decides he is tired enough for bed.

This past weekend Cowboy and I have taken Champ out until a bit after his bedtime (8.00). We had two parties on which finished at about 9.00 each night, so we dressed him for bed while out at friends' houses, he would then fall asleep in the car and we would transfer him to bed when we got home (still so excited about being able to do this!).

He did fine with no milk those nights. But tonight we were back to our normal routine and I was very curious about what would happen. Especially as I sat down in our regular breastfeeding location (corner pillow) to read his book.

I had decided on a 'never offer, never refuse' policy. This was the first night I trialed this policy. He didn't ask. I didn't offer. He didn't feed.

I am not crying great big milky tears as I once thought I would. I am not dancing around the house happy to be 'free'.

I am proud of our breastfeeding journey and satisfied that it has run its natural course. My baby still needs me, just not for sustenance anymore.