Hope

So here we are at the 28th December. Turtledove's due date.

When I lost Turtledove I had images of this Christmas being full of pain and sad reminders. It wasn't. I did remember each day during the Christmas period that I 'should' have been heavily pregnant, but as they say, time heals all wounds and the effect wasn't as devastating as I had imagined.

I still long for that baby. I still ache to give Champ as baby brother or sister. But I am not debilitated by the pain of our loss. I am hopeful that one day soon we will deliver a healthy baby and some of those old hurts will heal some more.

Cowboy and I did all we could this month to make that dream a reality. I ovulated Christmas day as predicted, so now we are settled in to the 2 week wait and are hopeful.

I know that a positive pregnancy test next week will not give me the same joy it once would have. What that test will give me will be hope.

I am so ready, and want this with all of my being.