It looks like I am now part of a club that I never asked to be a member of and wish fervently that didn't exist at all, for anyone to join.
Since my miscarriages this year, whenever people note that I have an 'almost 2 year old' (which I now say rather than trying to remember exactly how many months Champ is) they ask when he is going to become a big brother. Seeing as they feel comfortable enough asking me about my family planning, I feel that they can handle hearing the truth. If not, they wouldn't have asked, surely.
More often than not when I 'out' myself to people I hear in return stories of their (or their sister's/BFF's/boss') miscarriages, struggles to conceive, even once the story of egg donors being the only way the woman could carry a live child to term.
I am now part of 'The Club'. People feel that since I have experienced loss, they are comfortable talking to me about their fertility issues. We talk about their charts this month, how often they 'did it' on the one time they were successful at conception, tell me when they are on CD1 and all they want to do is go home to bed and cry.
I am part of 'The Club'. But I am not. I want to stamp my foot and scream 'I am not joining this stinkin' club! I never asked to be here! I am super fertile!'. But I am part of the club. This time next week I will be at the Pregnancy Management Clinic in a department that specialises in multiple miscarriages.
In a freak of the universe I have no one to babysit Champ that day (people are usually lining up to do it, but this one day everyone is busy). I really don't want to bring him. Not because it will be hard work getting him to refrain from running around and touching everything with his sticky little fingers while I discuss our issues with the doc, not even because I don't know how long we will have to be there and if it will run into his nap time. I don't want to take him because I am worried about upsetting the other women in the waiting room who have also experienced multiple miscarriage and may not have the delight of a toddler to take their minds off the worries of the world.
My Mum's comment on that was 'That's a lovely thought, Red. But that's the way the world is. Those women can't get away from it, or never see little children.'. But maybe it is because I am part of 'The Club' that I can feel so deeply for these other women. Maybe I am part of 'The Club' after all.
Protected: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
5 years ago
I've been one of those women...seeing other women with their kids in the waiting room. In a place that you know infertile women will be gathered, you can assume a child will be tough to see. In fact, the fertility clinic here put up signs asking people to let them know if it is unavoidable to bring kids to the appointments and they will separate them from the others waiting.
ReplyDeleteAll that said though, if you can't find childcare, don't beat yourself up too much.
Sorry you are part of the club... it's tough, but you are in good company. Many of us have been there, the wondering and the worrying, the tears and the fear. I hope you get some answers at the clinic, I can't wait to hear how it goes.
ReplyDeleteOur clinic also asks that people not bring kids, for obvious reasons. But if you'd have to miss the appointment otherwise, they will understand. Champ is well behaved, I'm sure it will be fine. When I talked to the nurse about bringing Bean one time, she said they just worry about hyper kids who run around screaming, making a scene and making the other women uncomfortable. Bring something special to keep him occupied, you'll be fine.
Hey, clubmate. I didn't want to be in this one, either, but at least we're in good company.
ReplyDeleteI think your compassion for the other women in the clinic is admirable. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation and hope that the clinic is able to give you some hope and answers soon.
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