An anniversary and a due date

Cowboy, Champ and I are heading overseas to the Philippines tomorrow (or as Champ says 'go Philiphines on airplane far, far away'.).

There are many, many things to worry about including a toddler on an international overnight plane trip, making sure none of us consume dodgy food or drink (especially me), child-snatching, and my current favorite: trying to stop Champ drinking the possibly contaminated water as he showers. But I am hoping that the 4 days in a luxury resort (with built in babysitters - aka Cowboy's parents) and the joy of introducing Champ to his Great Grandmother and so many relations in the Philippines will overshadow the worries.

While we are away, a few milestones will pass. I may be so hard at it relaxing that I will forget the date, so I will remember them now:

April 2nd was my due date with Muscles.

April 6th will be one year since we conceived Turtledove.

It is hard to think about the babies I have lost. Of course, I still don't know if they were boys or girls, if they would have looked more like me than Champ does (Cowboy's mini-me), or more importantly if they would have had a chance at being healthy.

It is also strange to think that if I hadn't lost them, I wouldn't be sitting here now cradling my belly and thanking God for Lucky. I know that that feeling will continue after Lucky is born. The more you fall in love with your child, the more you wouldn't wish to change any events that brought them to you. But it is hard to be happy for my losses; hard to be happy that two babies that Cowboy and I created did not make it to our arms.

So, off we go on our holiday, Cowboy, Red, Champ and Lucky. My family.