Bribery and corruption

Eat it at the table kiddo.
Please use your spoon, ah-ah, for eating not painting the table.
Last chance!
Come on, quickly to the toilet and you can watch Sesame street.
Champ! That's enough toilet paper.
Help me get your shoes on.
Please don't fight me.
If you are fighting me I will have to turn the TV off. Please help me get your shoes on.
Mummy will have to go to playgroup without you if you can't help me get you ready.
5 minutes and the TV will need to be off.
3 minutes.
Ok, this is the last song, then please help me to turn the TV off.
Well I am going to playgroup without you then.
Ok, into the car...
Now, please...
No! No jumping in the puddles, you don't have gumboots on.
Champ!
Into the car, now, please!
Ok, have fun, Mummy will get in the car. See you soon.
Great, thanks. Uh! No hitting Mummy, gentle please.
Now please be gentle at playgroup. Remember no hitting or pushing or we have to go home.
That's right gentle or there is no more playtime.
Champ! I said sharing with your friends please.
Remember to be gentle or we have to go home and have no more playtime.
Ok, Champ into the car.
Come on. Lunch time when we get home.
Champ, do you want to peel an egg when we get home?
Thank you.
No, it is not time for you drive, Mummy will drive.
Well, do you want to stay in the car or do you want to eat your egg?
Yes, you can peel it yourself.
No, no apples for lunch.
Champ! Put the apple back. You can have it after lunch.
Ok, 5 more minutes play time then time for the toilet before bed.
Champ, come on off to the toilet now.
Champ?
Champ, look big bird wants to watch you do your wee wee on the toilet.
Yes, big bird is so proud.
Ok, all done on the toilet?
I think you are all done.
Come on, all done, lets read some books in bed.
No, no more books on the toilet, bed time.
I can hear teddy calling you from your bed.
Hey, wait! Big boy jocks back on before bed please mister.
We will read 3 books, ok?
Yes, they can all be Dr Seuss.
Ok, last book.
No, that was the last one.
Time for prayers and Mummy will sing you your lullaby.
Yes I will stay with you until you are asleep.
Champ, I am saying your prayers, no talking please.
Ok, if you are going to keep talking Mummy will have to go to the lounge room.
I can only stay with you if there is no talking.
Goodnight I love you too, mate.

Is it any wonder I fall asleep during his nap time before he does?

I wish I didn't have to bribe/threaten/coax every action every step of the way. Champ is actually a very good and generally co operative kid for his age, but sometime I just wonder 'Why can't you just do what you are asked to do? The first time?' before the bribes and the threats have come out. At least I haven't had to resort to pleading with him yet. Still, having to distract and coax all day every day, it's exhausting!